Taking home massive Super Tuesday wins, Donald Trump attended a victory party wearing only a cape and underwear.
“I should’ve known something was up when his posters read ‘Drumpf 2016,'” was the response from rally attendee Clara Sherwood.
As uncredited Marvin Gaye music blared, Trump stepped forward towards the podium. Condom balloons dropped from the ceiling, and men in Klan hoods fired machine guns indoors in celebration. Still, the crowd cheered louder with every additional absurdity.
At this point, Trump cut the music, the Klansmen removed their hoods, and the 2016 GOP front-runner called for absolute silence.
“What the hell is wrong with you people?” he finally asked after several moments. “I started this thing as a joke. There was no intention of winning, I just wanted to see how over the top I could get, but I just can’t seem to satisfy you.”
Trump continued his rant for several minutes, mentioning that he had been able to get a good laugh from the situation at first, but the support he received after being endorsed by a white supremacist was causing him to lose sleep.
“There was no intention of winning, I just wanted to see how over the top I could get, but I just can’t seem to satisfy you.” — Donald Trump
Several encouraging hoots came from the otherwise stunned crowd. Trump responded with a loud sigh, then stormed from the building, pushing several voters out of the way and knocking former opponent Chris Christie off the stage as he approached the door.
“I love how he speaks his mind,” insisted voter Matthew Ramirez, who added that he hoped to vote for Trump again during the general election.