7 Truths About Sex You Can’t Ignore

Let's talk about sex ;)

Real Talk | Al Raines | March 4, 2016

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This article originally appeared on GoingOnAdult.com.

Let’s talk about sex, baby! *queue Salt-N-Pepa* Don’t get your panties in a wad. Because this is the PG version. Ahem, kinda.

Anyway, just relax. Get some chilled ambiance going. Turn off the lights. Light some candles. Put on some soft jazz. It’s going to be okay. Sex is a beautiful thing, and today I’d like to share with you some truths about sex.

Before continuing, you should first skim through this funny little article, as I am writing this post in response to it, and anything you read from this point won’t make sense without reading that article. In other words, I’m addressing the supposed “seven lies about sex” by sharing what I believe are the seven truths about sex that everyone (of all religions and beliefs) can handle.

Without further ado, let’s discuss the seven truths of sex!

1) Whether for pleasure, for procreation, for porn, or for pineapples: Sex is a fact of life.

You can hide from it. You can avert your eyes. You can shame yourself for thinking about it.let's talk about sex

Or … you could embrace it. You can accept that sex is a part of life. What a wonderful thing, right?

The fact is that, well, sex is a fact. Sex is a physiological need. It is a natural bodily function. If 96% of Americans between ages 20 and 59 have had sex, why should we pretend that sex is so sacred and mystical?

Every day we go around breathing and sleeping and eating and drinking water. All these things are normal human functions. Why then do we always seem to leave out sex, as if it is taboo? As if we should keep children from learning about it?

Six studies show that sex education and HIV/STI prevention programs “do not increase rates of sexual initiation, do not lower the age at which youth initiate sex, and do not increase the frequency of sex or the number of sex partners among sexually active youth.”

Schools, churches, and parents should all be educating children about sex as a fact of animal life, as opposed to shrouding sex in taboo, mystery, and secrecy — displaying it as a magical gift from the stars and heavens.

2) Casual sex or not, consensual sex is fun.

Excuse me, did you just say sex isn’t fun? Have you even had sex? No apologies — if you tell me that sex isn’t fun, there is no possible way I can believe you.let's talk about sex

I’m also not going to believe you if you tell me that sex shouldn’t be compared to a recreational activity. Recreational activities burn calories, right? Well, so does sex. Actually, here’s a lovely breakdown of all the calories you can burn during intercourse.

One statement I’ll offer: Sex can be as simple or as complex as you want it to be. You can group it with other recreational activities, or you can see it as a deep, binding, spiritual, physical, emotional experience. Sex means to you whatever you want it to mean to you.

No one gets to decide what is and what isn’t fun for everyone, just like no one gets to decide what is and is not a deep, spiritual experience for everyone. As long as you’re having consensual sex, you can decide for yourself how complex or simple sex is in your life.

3) Sex is for married and unmarried people alike.

If we lived in a world in which sex was exclusively for married people, please don’t tell me that the human race would survive. The idea that sex is only for married couples is pure rubbish.let's talk about sex

Remember Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs? Let me illustrate it for you. There are five parts to it that make up every person’s needs for surviving in life: physiological, safety, belonging, esteem, and self-actualization. Which need does sex fall under? You guessed it: physiological.

The entire human population is not rushing to get married just so that they can have sex. Whether you agree with it or not, people are having sex right now and I can guarantee a lot of them are not married.

When you decide to have sex with someone, that is a decision of consent between you and the person you want to have sex with. If one of you are already married to someone else, that is an entirely different story. The point is that people are going to have sex, whether or not they are bound by the laws of marriage.

4) Deciding to remain pure before marriage is your choice alone.

Actually, the idea of purity is one that society and religions have simply made up — as if you should feel ashamed and regretful once you lose your virginity. Who says you’re no longer “pure” if you have sex before you’re married? Who says you’re no longer “pure” once you’ve had sex at all?let's talk about sex

You could sleep with twenty people and feel bad about yourself, or you could brag about it, or you could accept it as a part of who you are and decide that you’re still as pure as a newborn baby. You decide for yourself how pure you are, if you believe in a theory of purity. Why should anyone care?

Self-respect is a much more valuable notion compared to that of purity.

Whether or not you save yourself for marriage is entirely up to you. If you truly love your betrothed and your betrothed truly loves you, your sexual history shouldn’t matter — as long as you both are honest with each other.

Any “baggage” or “emotional residue” between you and your partner can be resolved through one-on-one conversations and, of course, enjoying passionate sex with one another. If you truly love your partner more than anything, why should you let each other’s sexual pasts disturb the bond you share?

Nothing is stopping you from beginning a new, exciting sexual exploration with your life partner.

5) Having sex before marriage does not make you a horrible person who must beg forgiveness.

So, you had sex before marriage and you feel like an awful person. Let me guess: Something or someone is to blame for making you feel awful about it. Your family? Your friends? Your partner? Your church?let's talk about sex

You can listen to that something or someone all you want and beat yourself up about it, or you can accept your choices and actions and be happy. After all, you are still you, right? No one can tell you how you should and should not act, right?

And if you are going to beat yourself up, then at least try to forgive yourself first — especially before asking forgiveness from anyone or anything else. As long as you forgive yourself, respect yourself, and know where you stand in life, you don’t owe anything to anyone.

6) Yes, sexual desire is natural, and yes, seven hells, have some self-control.

If you see someone you find attractive, then you’ll be okay. It’s okay to find someone attractive. You can lust after them all you want, and no one’s going to stop you.kissing1

On the other hand, don’t be a creep about it. Come forward with your feelings. No, I don’t mean you should go to that person and say, “Wow, looking at you makes me feel really excited.” That’s too weird, and if you’ve ever actually done that … what were you thinking, dude?

Just be honest with yourself. Tell yourself how you feel. Gods be good, write a freaking poem if it makes you feel better.

Practicing self-control is good, but you don’t need to overwhelm yourself with restrictions. The first step is to actually, like, go up to the person and have a conversation with them. Lusting after them forever will only drive you insane. Seeing the person as a person {wow, what!?} by hanging out with them will make you feel a lot better about the whole sexual desire thing.

7) I surely hope that having sex with a real, live person is more significant than porn and masturbation.

Can someone please right me a four-page essay on how there is “no distinction between adultery (having sex) and porn, masturbation, or lust“? I swear, I would be thoroughly amused to read such an essay.let's talk about sex

The way I see it — and the way I hope many of us see it — is that porn, masturbation, or lust are objective ways of addressing sexual desire, whereas the act of having sex is much more personal and subjective.

The only people who probably view all of the above on the same level of indistinction would be, um, rapists. And molesters. And other freaks of nature.

Because the last time I checked, most of us have a very personal relationship with sex as a concept. And most of us have deep, personal relationships with whom we choose to have sex.

To put the act of having sex on the same level as getting off to porn is pretty sad. Have you even seen Don Jon? 80% on Rotten Tomatoes. I highly recommend seeing the film if you still need to differentiate watching porn from having sex.


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Featured Image: Public Domain